Tuesday, July 28, 2009

accepting failure as a cure for disappointment

I have two blogs, one for each of my two obsessions. but i dont think i should have for two reasons. One: i don't have the time or tenacity required to write two blogs regularly and two: veteran bloggers believe that you should say what you want to say on one blog because it keeps you more real and honest. That rings true for me but I am embarrased by revealing my second obsession.

One of my obsessions is the people side of labour market studies, or why people do the work they do. I am curious to know why people do jobs they hate or are uninterested in and why others find work they get a lot out of. Years of interviewing and latterly,years of career counselling people to find what job they want to do is still something i find rewarding. Is that a bit sad? probably.

My other obsession is infertility. I am unable to have any more kids and this has affected me in profound ways. I have one kid already and watching him grow up reinforces how much i love being a mum. I had wanted three kids and not being unable to have any more is a daily and sometimes hourly challenge to my esteem and is a constant frustration.

The two kid families pop out of everywhere, especially in Ireland. I notice it every time i walk down a street. It's a daily stab that most people suceed in having the family size they desire. It's also piercing to tolerate the constant stream of hurtful comments from well meaning folk. Their casual attitude to their fortune and lack of understanding for what an infertile couple go through is pretty hardgoing.

Why am I talking about this? What relevance does it have to a career blog? It is humiliating to admit this and by coping as best I can with this painful challenge, I hope the upside is that it opens me up to others struggles and I think I am a more perceptive person these days.

It also makes me realise that we cannot have the lifes we wanted. That wanting something badly and focusing on being positive doesn't always work.

I'm better at understanding why people stay in jobs they hate and how fear of failure dominates our lives and relationships.

I think we all have something that handicaps us and which holds us back is the norm. But we have to learn to deal with failure or else we become the kind of person we never wanted to be. Our fear of failure is so powerful that it makes us do toxic stuff we know we shouldn't do.

Like staying in jobs we hate or mindlessly surfing the web instead of doing or job or job search stuff, or boozing into the night as a means of coping with adversity.

Some people have told me that they have come to terms with failure by accepting limitations and sought alternative outcomes and that this habit becomes easier with each disappointment. I'dm trying to become one of those people.

I wish we could be more upfront about discussing our disappointments. Because this is how you become a better person. Wouldn't it be great if you could put it in your CV? It could go under the education heading. ...

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